Monday, October 21, 2013

I don’t like green food...

This is one of my favorite scenes in The Hobbit movie (probably because I can totally relate)…

I don’t like green food…. There, I said it, and prior to my most recent visit to the doctor I have not felt the least bit disgraced about my eating habits.  You could tell me a McDonald’s cheeseburger contains 30% ground-up rat poop and I will still eat it, because they are DELICIOUS.  You will never catch me eating an apple, NEVER (unless it is on a stick and enveloped in caramel).  I consider frosting to be its own food group and that it is socially acceptable to eat it directly from the tub… I figure that since it has a similar consistency to yogurt it must be ok.

And don’t even get me started on water.  How many ounces of water do I drink per day? Well, I don’t know doctor, how many ounces are in a can of Diet Coke because I knock back about 6 of them by the time I go to bed as I am operating under the assumption that Diet Coke and water are essentially the same thing ~ I mean, they both have zero calories, right? (how depressing when I learned they indeed are NOT the same, dammit).  This is extremely unfortunate for me because I love Diet Coke, seriously I truly LOVE it.

Anyway, back to my nutritional shaming by the doctor… as it turns out, my lack of dietary awareness is affecting some underlying health issues I have, undermining all of the hard work my over-priced medication is attempting to achieve.  When my physician launched into his litany of questions regarding my diet and exercise habits, I answered him honestly… I don’t exercise unless you count running upstairs to pee and grabbing a fatty, high-calorie snack during a commercial break exercise (he didn't).  Well, I have learned my lesson about answering that question honestly, next time I am going to say I run twice a day and eat nothing but poached fish and broccoli to avoid the tsk-tsk and disappointed head shaking I received from the doctor.

To make a long story short, my doctor in some way did manage to guilt me into attempting some sort of lifestyle change, no matter how feeble the attempt may be.  I really am going to commit myself into incorporating some form of physical activity into my daily weekly routine.  Frankly, I don’t have an excuse not to exercise considering that over the years I have turned our unfinished room into a fully operational gym which includes an exercise bike, treadmill, punching bag, bench press, Wii (that totally counts as exercise because I have the Wii Fit) plus a TV equipped with a DVD player, a Roku and the following internet TV accounts: Netflix, Hulu Plus, HBO Go and Amazon Prime. It is basically the only way to entice me to exercise, cancelling out something I hate (exercise) with something I love (TV) - perhaps with a Diet Coke chaser.

At this point, the best I have to offer in my dietary paradigm shift is trying to plan ahead for meals and actually cooking once in a while rather than relying on what the good people of Ruby Tuesdays have prepared. Over the weekend I made a trip to the local organic cooperative market (shockingly enough, I am a member) for some healthful inspiration ~ I figure these tofu eating hippies must be on to something ~ and although I am not completely transformed, enough visits to their gorgeous produce section and I may be a convert after all...

Seriously, is this a work of art or what? Stay tuned for my foray into juicing in an attempt to trick my body into thinking it is getting a milkshake rather than some healthy, fruit and vegetable filled juice smoothie... That's right, I bought a Nutri-Bullet Y'all!

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